In November of 2014, Mr. Agarwal sent me a friendship request on Facebook and I accepted. I saw that he and I were mutual friends with Gurudatta. I talked with Gurdatta about him, and he assured me that he was a good man. We begin chatting regularly on Facebook, and I felt honored that he was interested in me as a friend. I learned that he was a long term disciple of Osho and was building a Meditation Resort in Playa Del Carmen called Ozen Cocom. At the time, I had no knowledge about Osho.
Mr. Agarwal steadily, over the next several weeks, built my trust in him. I was impressed with his project, the Ozen Cocom, his intelligence, creativity, charisma, and high energy. After about a month of communicating with him on Facebook, he invited me to come to Mexico and stay with him. He said he would show me the progress of his project, and I would be able to meet his followers. I agreed. Initially, I was going to buy my own ticket because I did not want there to be any unforeseen expectations on his part. However, he insisted that he pay for the ticket, and he wrote no worry because he has been celibate for years. After a night of sleep, I decided to accept his invitation.
When I accepted Mr. Agarwal’s invitation, I was of the impression I was going to be with a spiritual master and go to a spiritual ashram where there will be yoga and good vegan food. I also felt it was a good opportunity to travel abroad and meet his followers. This was my first mistake, allowing him to buy my ticket, I eventually found out. Mr. Agarwal had booked my round trip ticket from Germany to Mexico with a departure date on December 28, 2014 and with a return date of January 21, 2015. With this return date, I would be able to attend Osho’s and his birthday celebrations. When I saw his message along with my itinerary, I felt some unease and dread about my situation, as he wrote: “your coming to Mexico will be the most precious gift I have ever received in my life!! i wait each moment…”
When I arrived at the Cancun airport, Mr. Agarwal personally picked me up (already a special treatment I thought). I would sleep in his guest-room at his private apartment in Puerta Adventuras, Mexico. The first 2 days with him were pretty nice, friendly and respectful. I felt quite honored to get so much attention from the “master” himself, although I didn’t believe that anyone needs a master to tell you what do, how to feel, or how to live. I appreciated his talks and what he had to say.
The third day in Mexico with Mr. Agarwal was New Years Eve, and I could tell he was already reaching out in a weird way, saying slightly off things to me. I then realized he was flirting with me. I was totally taken back by this. I did not expect this would happen at all. He told me that all kinds of women would give themselves to him, but he isn’t interested in them, and hasn’t been in a sexual relationship for 7 years. He always talked about how people would kiss his feet and then immediately he would fall into the role of a teacher and become distant to them. Teacher and disciple he tells me, speaking in riddles. He said with me he could be himself because I didn’t come over as a disciple but as a normal person. He wanted to go to a party with me for New Years Eve. He said he wanted me by his side at the party, not to be partying. I guess he wanted me to be his “trophy girlfriend.”
Later in the evening, when on our way in the car to the New Years Eve party, and after he already said weird stuff like he would like me sleeping in his bed tonight, I tried to explain to him that my expectations of this trip were different than his, and that I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of us having any sexual relations with each other. I carefully explained my reasons for coming. He then totally lost it and yelled at me, “Why are you doing this right now, I am really pissed off with you.” When I told him politely that I was not interested in sleeping in his bed, he hit my leg with his flat hand. He said, “Don’t fuck with me, I am God, I am Osho, I am higher than you, you have no authority to decide over your own body as a woman, let me be the man, it will be good for you.” At the point that he struck my leg with his hand in the car, it became clear to me I was with a “mad person.” He also said: “I’m gonna kill you.”
I was very scared at his words and his physical assault on me, thinking he could do anything right now. I felt a huge rush of energy down to my core. I felt I was in deep danger. I very soon thought rationally about my passport, my money, and personal belongings, which were at his apartment. I acted shy and told him I was sorry. I realized that, if I would be my “true honest bold self” and tell him my real opinion like “who in the hell do you think you are to treat me in this way,” he would have probably got even madder. I thought that, if I was not cool-headed, I could possibly be in more danger or maybe he would even stop the car and leave me on the highway.
Instead of being bold or angry with his behaviors, I decided to play a role of someone who had very difficult life experiences. I told him I went thru some really traumatizing things in my life and that was the reason why I didn’t want any interaction of a sexual nature. I lied that I have had problems with being touched because of these bad experiences. I just wanted to calm him down so his ego was not hurt because of felt rejection. He believed it immediately. He even said, “Yes I sensed that already.” He calmed down and no longer wanted to go to the New Years Eve party. We drove back to his apartment in Puerto Aventuras.
Mr. Agarwal “flew off the handle” many times during my stay. Originally, as I noted, it was planned for me to stay until the 21st of January to celebrate both his and Osho’s birthday. He changed my flight to the 7th of January because he was pissed off that I did not return his sexual advances. Throughout the next days he kept trying to force himself on to me. He came to my bedroom when I was sleeping, touching my breasts and vagina. But then I would get up and escaped by going for long walks or staying along the beach area. He continued his attempts to have sex with me, and I continued to take long walks and hang-out at the beach, spending as much time away from him as possible. I thought of escaping to a hotel or hostel but they were all booked because of the New Years Eve season. I decided I could wait it out for several more days before leaving. In these last days with him in the apartment, when he started to assault me sexually in my bedroom, I would go to the bathroom, pretending I had to pee and while there also pretending that I was throwing up. Only at this point did he finally leave me alone.
Mr. Agarwal even tried bribing me with diamonds and jewelry so I would give in to his sexual advances. I did keep one of the jewelries that he offered me, a heart pendant. He saw that his ‘master babble,” anger outbursts, and hitting me did not work so he started from that angle. The rest of the stay with him was miserable, but I remained calm, clever, and patience until my departure on January 7, 2014. Here is a message about the heart pendant he gave me and his curse, as noted in the image below.
On the one and only day I went to visit at the Ozen Cocom and met Mr. Agarwal’s devotees, I was very sick. I remember the names Chinmayo and Lila. They both seemed like sweet and nice young people. They witnessed me vomit while at the Ozen Cocom. While I had some private time with Lila, I told her all about how I was treated in my stay by Mr. Agarwal, and asked her to keep it a secret until I was on my way home. She seemed shocked and could not believe that her master would act in such a way, but it appeared to me she believed me, seeing my emotional state and feeling my scared energy.
Throughout my stay with Mr. Agarwal, he kept saying, “No one escapes from me, you’re lucky I will let you go.” He even said he was in love with me. It was horrible. I am still to this day quite embarrassed that I was involved in this situation. I was so naive and stupid to fall for his disguised motives. My father warned me not to go because he felt that it was odd. As I indicated previously, I flew to Mexico thinking I would go to a spiritual community and meet a spiritual man who is celibate. His definition of celibate, however, is “relative.” Instead what I met was a narcissistic, dark, sexual predator.
When I first told my story on Facebook upon my return to Germany, one of my friends preached violence against Mr. Agarwal. First of all I’d like to write that violence or death-threats aren’t the right way for justice. I am still at times scared what could happen to me because the sharing of my story. He once told me that if I damage his reputation some of his followers live in my city and will find me. Because of my fear, it took me a while to decide that people should know about what he did to me and what he was like. It’s simply about spreading the word. If you want to believe what happened to me or not, it is up to you. I just want my story out there so this does not happen to other women.
Mr. Agarwal told me a lot about his project. He claims on the internet that all his teachings are for free. He told me that that the ashram he is building is really a “wellness-center.” He lives from many donations of rich sponsors and friends. Many of his devotees seemed they were like in a hypnotic state when I met them. They stared at him like he was god; some even were crying when he started speaking. I learned about how much people WANT to believe in someone, a lot of projection. I learned to keep my mouth shut to stay safe. I know that he will tell lies in attempt to turn everything around that I write or say so that he will look good like he has done with so many others.
I only know that I don’t want more girls to go thru what I went through. I want to spread the word and hope that it may help others. He has already spread weird rumors that we had a love relationship that went afoul or I was a high class hooker. I would never touch him as he is too old, not my type, smells weird and generally I went over there totally for something else. He won’t show his “true face” to his disciples like he did with me. He plays his role of a spiritual teacher who is distant and speaks in riddles. I saw the other side, although I wished I didn’t. I appreciate his creative works, but his dark side that I experienced was one the most unpleasant and ugly experiences of my life. I don’t carry anger or hatred inside me as I find it poisoning.
Although this is my personal account how I was sexually assaulted by Mr. Agarwal, I also feel compelled to share some of the disgusting and arrogant things he said about his followers as well as the grandiosity of his ego. He told me that his disciples would do everything for him. “If I tell them to jump of a roof, they would. Chinmayo would, no questions asked.” He was very proud of having them under such mind control. “Any girl living on the land would sleep with me and do anything for me” and then he laughed, saying: “I make them work like dogs.” When I asked him why he hit my leg in the car he said, “My disciples would be thankful if I hit them. It’s a gesture of love, it’s like I hit myself.”
He said he hates kids and that every father on the planet secretly hates being a father.
He told me he is bribing the Mexican government to be able to build his ashram. He also said: “You will come back one day.” I will never go back. He is funny and has great knowledge, but he is actually a lonely, bitter, angry old man who needs to live a god complex. In order to compensate for the love he never got, he has purposely attracted young people around him, who project all their hearts desires on him. People want to follow a leader, a daddy, a God. He knows this all too well and uses it for his advantage to control and manipulate them.
On one occasion, he told me: “Osho chose me the day before he died; I will be bigger and better than him. I also love scandals, because more people then will know me that way, I want the world to think of me as a crazy bad ass, it’s cool. I like when people try to destroy me because it’s good publicity.” He spreads lies about the people who want to call him out.
Thank you for reading my true account of my time with a fake guru, who calls himself either Swami Rajneesh or Ozen.